It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn
by Heidi
Summary: School Ties Series, Sam/Donna, SUICIDE WARNING


  
  
  
It's Always Darkest Before The Dawn  
  
By Heidi H. and Lisa  
  
  
  
Disclaimers-These are not my characters and I am making no money off of them.  
  
Ratings Info-School Ties Series, Sam/Donna, SUICIDE  
  
Spoilers-20 Hours In LA, Somebody's Going To Emergency Somebody's Going To Jail, Pilot, Noel, 17 People  
  
Special Thanks to Lisa for being my co-author and helping me find inspiration when the well was drying up. This series has taken a life of its own and is far from being done.  
  
Special Notes-I am certainly not meaning to glorify suicide in any matter in this story and would never take that lightly. Suicide is never the answer to any problems that someone may have.  
  
Special Notes-The timeline has huge jumps. This is a plot device to move this story forward, so that we can get to the good stuff in the next stories that follow this one.  
  
Special Notes-I don't know anything about suicide attempts or the counseling that someone seeks after this. The "therapy" that is described in the story is general information and questions that are in a psychology textbook. I am certainly not a therapist or anything like that. This is purely for the sake of fiction and I don't mean to insult or upset anyone.  
  
  
  
  
  
Hospital Waiting Room.....  
  
  
The senior staff sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts. They had all been directed to a private waiting room, once hospital personnel recognized them.  
  
CJ felt guilty. She felt that she should have seen what Donna was going though. She felt like the sisterhood was hurting.  
  
Toby felt like he was responsible for what was happening. He knew that he shouldn't feel like this, but it was hard. He felt like he had put undue pressure on Donna to admit her feelings for Sam.  
  
Josh kept pacing. He thought that he should have seen it coming. Donna was with him everyday and even he missed it. He had been through his own emotional upheavals and Donna was with him at every step and he was damned sure that he wouldn't let her fall.  
  
Sam watched Josh pace the room. He saw CJ and Toby sitting in chairs looking sick. He lived with this woman and couldn't see what she was going through or even prevent it. Everyone shared the same feelings of guilt and regret over what had happened.  
  
  
The doctor took a deep breath and pushed open the doors to the waiting room.  
  
"Are you all here for Donna Moss?" Dr. Lisa Keyes asked.  
  
"Yes. How is she?" Josh asked.  
  
"Okay. Everyone needs to calm down and listen very carefully to me." Dr. Keyes said.  
  
  
The senior staff settled down and waited for the doctor to speak again.  
  
"Miss Moss is currently in a drug induced coma and in stable condition. We pumped her stomach and removed the additional drugs in her system. She is in a coma right now because she needs to rest and let her body build itself back up to its normal strength. Suicide is a very serious event for someone to try. This should not be taken lightly because Miss Moss is very ill at this time." Dr. Keyes explained, her eyes coming to rest on every member of the senior staff in the room.  
  
  
"Can we see her?" Josh asked.  
  
"She is resting right now and I don't want to bother her. If you want to remain here, I can see if she is up to visitors when she wakes up." Dr. Keyes said.  
  
  
The senior staff continued to wait for Donna to wake up. She was one of the only assistants that was with the senior staff wherever they went. Donna had gotten to go to LA when no other assistants had been allowed. Josh made the difficult decision to call Leo and let him know what was going on. Leo had insisted that a senior staff member remain there at all times in case Donna woke up. CJ was the one who volunteered to stay through the next morning when the guys had to go back to work and handle business. Donna was their friend and they wanted to be there for her, but the White House and federal government didn't stop because a friend was hurting.  
  
  
The loud beeping of machines woke her up. She thought to herself that the sleep had been one of the best she'd gotten in a long time. Donna looked around the room at all of the machines. She logically knew that suicide wasn't the answer to any problem, but the walls had started to close in on her and she looked for the easiest escape route. A nurse walked into the room and started messing with the IV on her hand.  
  
"Can you tell Dr. Keyes I want to see CJ Cregg?" Donna asked.  
  
"Yes, I will tell her right away." the nurse said and left the room.  
  
  
  
Dr. Keyes was in her office when the nurse said that Donna Moss was asking to see people. She took that as a good sign and went to find the person in question.  
  
"Excuse me, CJ Cregg ?" Dr. Keyes asked of the woman with the computer.  
  
"Yes, I'm CJ Cregg." CJ said as she stood up.  
  
"Miss Moss would like to see you now." Dr. Keyes said.  
  
  
CJ stuffed her things in her briefcase and followed the doctor out of the room and back to Donna's room. CJ opened the door and stepped into the room.  
  
"Hi CJ." Donna said.  
  
"Hey yourself. How are you feeling?" CJ asked.  
  
"Sore and really tired." Donna said.  
  
"Donna, why did you...." CJ trailed off and couldn't finish asking the question.  
  
"I did it because everything was closing in and getting to be too much. Between my parents, Jacob, Sam, and life in general, I couldn't handle the way my own life was spinning out of control." Donna said.  
  
"Why didn't you come to me or at least talk to someone?" CJ asked.  
  
"I didn't want to add to everyone else's problems." Donna said.  
  
"Donna, you know that we would have helped you, no matter what was going on." CJ reassured her friend.  
  
"Yeah. How are Josh and Sam?" Donna asked.  
  
"Josh is angry that he didn't see what was going on. Sam feels like he is responsible." CJ honestly told her.  
  
"Oh my god. Now I have upset everyone." Donna said and covered her face.  
  
"Donna, you are not responsible for how everyone is acting. I can handle them. Right now, you have to concentrate on getting better and coming back to work." CJ said.  
  
"Thanks, CJ. You are a great friend, but I'm getting kinda tired." Donna gently hinted to the other woman.  
  
"Okay. Get some rest and take it easy while you are here. No one is going to screw anything up too badly while I'm on the case." CJ tried to get a smile on Donna's face before she left the room.  
  
  
Donna never wanted to hurt anyone and that is what she had done. She resolved to tell Josh, Sam, and Toby that this wasn't their fault and they weren't responsible for what she had done.  
  
  
CJ went back to the White House and told the guys that Donna was awake and ok. They all wanted to go and see her, but the doctor had warned them that it might be too much for Donna and to wait until she asked to see people. Josh was still upset and taking it out on the temp. Sam was keeping his door shut, yelling at people, and slamming said door. Toby was very offish and not really talking too much. There was still a huge guilty feeling going around and would not go away until Donna talked to them and came back to work.  
  
  
Donna was watching the tv in her room when a doctor walked in. She turned off the tv and looked at the woman.  
  
"Hi, I'm Doctor Kate Masters from the mental health ward. Dr. Keyes referred you to me." Kate said.  
  
"Okay" Donna said.  
  
"Let me reassure you that I understand your situation and the need to be discrete. I have treated many high profile patients in the past and know the routine. I have also spoken to Leo McGarry and he informed me that I need to give him an ok when I feel that you are ready to return to work." Kate explained.  
  
"Do I have to stay in the hospital or can I go home?" Donna asked, wanting to be around her own stuff.  
  
"That decision is completely up to Dr. Keyes, but why don't you tell me what has been going on in your life that would drive you to this point." Kate asked her.  
  
"Well, I moved in with a guy who is a friend and a co-worker, my parents didn't approve and showed up on my doorstep after he kissed me, my parents tried to have me committed with help from my ex-boyfriend, I had to go to court, and then tried to kill myself when the walls started closing in." Donna said in a plain as day way.  
  
"Well, we have a lot to talk about, but lets start with the easy stuff. You and I will meet on Mondays at 2 p.m. for as long as it takes and when I am satisfied that you are dealing with things. When I am happy with the progress that you are making, I will call Leo McGarry and tell him what he needs to know." Kate again explained to Donna.  
  
"Okay." Donna said.  
  
"Why don't you tell me about this guy that you are living with that kissed you and your parents don't approve of." Kate asked Donna.  
  
"His name is Sam and he is a great guy. When I went back to school, he supported me and helped me out a lot. I asked him to move in with me when my search for a roommate was going horribly and his apartment was becoming a slum. We are friends and it seemed like the right thing to do." Donna said.  
  
"What about this kiss?" Kate asked.  
  
"He kissed me and we never talked about it because my parents showed up." Donna said.  
  
"Did you like the kiss? Do you want to be more than just friends and co-workers?" Kate asked, but had a feeling about the answers already.  
  
"The kiss was wonderful. It was lazy and sweet and demanding nothing more." Donna said.  
  
"But?" Kate asked.  
  
"We haven't talked about it because my parents showed up and when we did, he said to wait until everything else was done." Donna said.  
  
"And you want to know where you stand with him after this, right?" Kate asked with a knowing.  
  
"Yeah." Donna said.  
  
"My best advice on this is to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him where you want this to go. Offer him a chance to tell you how he feels. You both need to deal with this thing before you can devote time and energy to healing the rest of the things in your life." Kate instructed her.  
  
"Okay." Donna said and resolved to call Sam after the doctor left.  
  
"Well, I think I will leave, so you can make that call. I will see you tomorrow morning again." Kate said and left the room.  
  
Donna thought about what she wanted to tell Sam. She knew that she had feelings for Sam, as Toby pointed out on another morning. She wanted him to feel the same way, but the fear of rejection was something that she didn't want to deal with right now. Donna picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.  
  
  
Sam was alone in the apartment working on his laptop. He missed Donna being there. The apartment just felt weird. Josh and Toby had come over to help fix the door and CJ helped clean up the apartment. He was so into missing Donna's smiling face and reassuring presence, that he almost didn't hear the phone ringing.  
  
"Hello?" Sam asked.  
  
"Sam." Donna said.  
  
"Hey. It's so good to hear your pretty voice." Sam said.  
  
"Thanks. It's great to hear your voice too. I miss you and I miss my own apartment." Donna said.  
  
"When are you being released?" Sam asked.  
  
"The doctor and the psychologist said that I am being released tomorrow morning. I wanted to ask you if you would come pick me up." Donna said.  
  
"Of course I will be there, no problem." Sam said, confused that Donna would think there would be a problem.  
  
"I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't gonna take you away from anything important." Donna said.  
  
"I would make arrangements to come and get you anyway. There is nothing in this world more important than you." Sam said with a smile that she couldn't see.  
  
When Sam told her that there was nothing more important than her, she smiled her own smile that he couldn't see either.  
  
After talking for a few more minutes, they both hung up the phone with happy smiles and good feelings.  
  
Sam walked into the hospital room where Donna was and found her packing up stuff.  
  
"You shouldn't be doing that. Get back into bed and let me get this for you." Sam said.  
  
"I am perfectly fine to pack up this stuff." Donna said with a little pout on her face.  
  
"You are still a patient, so get back into that bed and wait for the doctor." Sam said with a silly smile on his face.  
  
"Fine." Donna relented, climbed back into bed, and watched Sam pack up all of the stuff she had.  
  
  
"I can't believe that Josh sent these beautiful flowers all on his own." Donna commented.  
  
"He really cares about you and hopes that you will be back at work soon. The temps finally refused to come up and Ginger got stuck working for Josh until you come back." Sam filled her in on the latest office gossip.  
  
"I am so sorry that I scared everyone like that. Please believe me when I say that it will never happen again." Donna said, looking directly at Sam.  
  
"I know that it will never happen again, but don't be afraid to bring your problems to us. We are your friends and hear for whatever you need. If you just want to talk or vent about things, we are here for you." Sam said, looking directly into Donna's eyes.  
  
"Thanks for being here for me. I know that we need to talk about that kiss and what it means." Donna said.  
  
"We do need to talk about it, but I don't want to rush you." Sam honestly said.  
  
"I am not rushed and want to talk about it and what it means for us." Donna said with a small smile.  
  
"Donna, don't get me wrong, I want to talk about what the kiss means, but lets talk about it at home where we are both comfortable." Sam said.  
  
"That's probably a good idea." Donna said.  
  
  
They both looked at each other and kept eye contact until the doctor entered the room.  
  
"Good morning." Dr. Keyes said.  
  
"Good morning." Sam and Donna both responded to the greeting.  
  
"Okay, then. I have all your paperwork here and just need some signatures on them." Dr. Keyes handed Donna a stack of papers.  
  
Donna looked over the papers, signed them, and handed them back to the doctor.  
  
"Here you go. Can I go home now?" Donna anxiously asked.  
  
"Not yet. We need to discuss your counseling appointments." Dr. Keyes said while giving Sam a wary eye and looking back to Donna.  
  
"It's okay. We can talk about it. He knows everything." Donna said.  
  
"Fine, then. We will be seeing you every Monday at 2 p.m. for a private session with Kate. She will make a determination as to when you can go back to work, per Leo McGarry's instructions." Dr. Keyes explained the details.  
  
"I totally understand, but am I free to go now?" Donna again asked.  
  
"She's anxious to get home, huh." Dr. Keyes said to Sam.  
  
"Yeah, she wants to go home." Sam said with a smile.  
  
"Well, then, you are completely free to go home now." Dr. Keyes said with a smile and left the room.  
  
"Let's go home then." Sam said and helped her into the waiting wheelchair.  
  
Sam got all of Donna's flowers and balloons loaded into his SUV and headed for the apartment,  
  
"What are you going to do with your time off from work?" Sam asked, as they sat in traffic.  
  
"Well, I have the counseling in the afternoons and just hang out around time. I made a decision regarding school for next semester, too." Donna said.  
  
  
Sam swung into the apartment parking lot and announced that they were home. Donna was so glad to be back in her element. She had never been so glad to see something in her life, ever.   
  
The apartment was just like she remembered. She noticed that the bathroom door had been fixed and the place cleaned up. She headed for her bedroom and slipped into jeans and a Harvard tee-shirt that was a get well gift from Josh. Donna walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch.  
  
Sam noticed that Donna was sitting in the living room. He quickly tied her balloons to a chair and brought her mail into her. Sam sat it on the table in front of her.  
  
Donna looked at the stack of mail sitting in front of her. She had finally climbed out of the hole of debt she gotten in when Cheryl left, only to be on administrative leave from a job that she loved. She was worried if she was going to be able to pay the rent and the rest of her bills. Donna didn't know what she was going to do.  
  
Sam read her face like a book and knew what she was thinking about.  
  
"You don't have to worry about money. Josh made sure that you were on a paid leave. Leo loves you and only did this because he wants you to get better. Everyone wants to make sure that you are ok." Sam said.  
  
"I owe Leo and everyone else such a huge apology. I was so mean and hateful to him." Donna said and covered her face.  
  
"Leo understands that you were going through a huge upheaval and didn't mean the things that you said." Sam said.  
  
"I need to write him a letter of apology. Would you deliver it to him tomorrow?" Donna asked.  
  
"Of course I will." Sam said with a smile and moved to sit down on the couch next to her.  
  
"Thank you so much for being here for me through everything." Donna said as she leaned over and gave him a huge.  
  
  
Sam wrapped his arms around Donna and held on tight. He wanted her to know that he would be there for her, no matter what happened in the future.  
  
Donna wrapped her arms tight around Sam. She wanted him to know how grateful she was that he had been there through everything.  
  
  
They both pulled away and looked at each other.  
  
"We really need to talk about that kiss." Donna said.  
  
"Yes, we do. It was a surprise that it happened between us, but I don't regret it." Sam honestly told her.  
  
"Good, because I don't regret it either. I really liked kissing you. It was a surprise to me to kiss one of my closest friends. I know that we agreed to not get romantically involved when you moved in, but...." Donna trailed off.  
  
"Do you want to get romantically involved?" Sam asked her.  
  
"How involved would we be? Where would our friendship be? I like kissing you and being with you, but I don't think I'm ready for a more physical relationship right now." Donna explained with a blush.  
  
"Hey, don't be embarrassed. I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough to talk to me." Sam said, taking her hands in his.  
  
"Thanks for understanding, but how is this going to work?" Donna asked.  
  
"First thing, we agree that nothing is going to destroy our friendship. We were friends first and will be friends after." Sam said, squeezing her hands.  
  
"Okay. The friendship isn't going to be damaged by anything." Donna said.  
  
"We keep this relationship quiet and private. We don't do anything to draw attention to each other. Our friends already think that there is something going on and we should tell them that there is something going on between us. We still deserve our private lives, no matter what our job titles are." Sam said, thinking about his friend Laurie and the flack that the administration had gotten over that indiscretion.  
  
"Thanks. I'm gonna go take a nap and I know that you need to get back to work." Donna said.  
  
"Nope. I'm working from home today. If they need me, they'll call or page me." Sam said, grabbing his laptop out of his bag.  
  
"You really didn't have to take the day off." Donna said with a smile and was glad that he did.  
  
  
"I wanted to, so go take your nap." Sam said.  
  
"Thanks for doing it." Donna said.  
  
"See ya later." Sam said and watching Donna go into her bedroom.  
  
  
  
Sam worked on several speeches and emailed them to Toby. He was sure that he'd find printed copies of the speeches on his desk with red ink all over them. He emailed his parents and a few friends to let them know how he was. While he was on the computer, Ginger sent him a message and he chatted with her for a while. Ginger was happy that Donna was ok and getting better. Most of the assistants were eagerly waiting for the time when Donna would be back at work. Sam knew that Donna would be a little distressed when she heard that she was the topic of that morning's staff meeting. Leo had suggested that Donna should move out of her job with Josh and become Sam's assistant where things were a little more slower paced. Josh had gotten pissed that Leo didn't think Donna could handle it anymore and said that there was no way that he would loose his assistant. Sam would have loved to have Donna as an assistant, but knew that she would miss Josh tremendously. They were all taking a wait and see attitude until Donna came back to work and Leo made a decision.  
  
  
Counseling Session..................6 weeks later  
  
"Good afternoon, Donna." Kate said as she entered the room.  
  
"Hello doctor." Donna replied.  
  
"I noticed that your friend was out in the waiting room again." Kate said, knowing that Sam had accompanied Donna to each and every session for the past 5 weeks.  
  
"Yeah, Sam insisted on bringing me." Donna said with a smile because she was grateful to see a friendly face after her sessions.  
  
"Today we are going to talk about why you don't feel like you deserve to be happy." Kate said as she flipped on the tape recorder and opened her notebook.  
  
"I know that it all goes back to what happened with Jacob." Donna honestly said.  
  
"Then why don't you tell me what happened in that relationship for you to get to this point in your life." Kate said and waited for her patient to speak.  
  
"I was a lonely college girl. It was my first time away from home and my family. Jacob was in one of my classes and we hit it off right away. We had been seeing each other for a while and were pretty serious and then came the change in what was going on." Donna stopped to take a breath.  
  
"What changed ?" Kate asked.  
  
"He gave me a promise ring and said that he wanted to marry me, but he couldn't afford to while he was paying for school. I got a job and ended up dropping out of school because I thought that this was real. That he really wanted to marry me and have a life with me." Donna said.  
  
"What happened to change the picture?" Kate asked.  
  
"He graduated and told me that I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, or good enough to be a doctor's wife. Jacob told me to make sure my stuff was out of the apartment by the time he got back from a party with his friends." Donna said.  
  
"How did it make you feel when he said those things?" Kate asked.  
  
"I felt like everything was my fault. Like I should have tried to work and stay in school. He left me and wanted me out of his perfect life." Donna said.  
  
"I know that you ended up leaving and going back to him. What happened and why?" Kate asked.  
  
"He called me up and said that he was sorry. That he should have never let me leave and that he had an engagement ring ready for me." Donna said.  
  
"What happened when you went back?" Kate asked.  
  
"He gave me the ring and we were happy for awhile. Then I got in a car accident and he stopped to have beers with his friends before even thinking about me. That was when I knew he wouldn't change. I packed up again and went back. That's where I've been ever since." Donna finished.  
  
"Donna, you have made some wonderful decisions here. You made a choice to try and start a new life without your ex-boyfriend. That is something that most people don't have the strength or courage to do. Although you had a setback and we all do, you chose to realize that this wasn't what you needed and came back to the life that you had made on your own. You are such a strong person to be able to look at things and not want to repeat the mistakes again." Kate explained.  
  
"Then why can't Sam and I move past just kissing and into a physical relationship?" Donna asked.  
  
"I think you both need some time. He doesn't want to push you into something that you are not ready for and that is so commendable. You are still dealing with the repercussions of Jacob and what he did to your life. I think that going slow with this new relationship is the best thing for both of you. Sam has been here with you and I don't think that he is going to leave or find physical comfort somewhere else because you need time." Kate said.  
  
  
The session was good for Donna. She was able to talk to someone who understood that she felt like Jacob's leaving was her fault, that she didn't try hard enough to make it work.   
  
Kate watched Sam and Donna leave. She was glad that Donna was finally opening up to talk about her real feelings. She looked at the papers in the file and decided that next week would be the week where she told Donna the official diagnosis and filled out the papers so Donna could return to her job in the White House.  
  
  
  
Staff Meeting.......................  
  
"Leo, it's been a few weeks since we talked about Donna's coming back. Where is she going to work?" Josh asked hesitantly, not really wanting to hear the answers.  
  
"We have to evaluate several things. Is she really ready to get back into the swing of things? Can she handle the stress without flipping out again?" Leo said.  
  
"I don't think that reassigning her is for the best either. Wouldn't that cause more stress for her-having to get used to a new job?" CJ added.  
  
"We will have to wait and see. I will be talking to Donna before she comes back and then a decision will be made." Leo said and turned the conversation back to pressing matters of state.  
  
"Sam, could you stay a moment. I need to talk to you about something?" Leo asked as the rest of the senior staff filed out.  
  
Leo walked over and shut the doors to his office before turning back to talk to Sam.  
  
"How is Donna really doing?" Leo asked.  
  
"She is doing so great. Every time she gets done with a session, Donna is so amazingly happy like a weight has been lifted off of her shoulders." Sam said with a huge smile across his face.  
  
"What is going on between you and Donna?" Leo asked.  
  
"There is nothing going on between me and Donna. We are just friends." Sam said, getting ready to go on the defensive.  
  
"There is more than friendship going on. I can see it in your face when you talk about Donna and no friend would take afternoons off for 6 weeks to go with her to therapy. So what is really going on?" Leo asked.  
  
"Donna and I have decided to see where things go with our relationship. We have only kissed once and I don't want to pressure her into anything more right now while she is dealing with this crap from her parents and stuff." Sam said.  
  
"Well, you guys are adults and I trust you to make the right decisions, but don't end up on the front pages of any papers." Leo said, hinting at Sam's past indiscretions with women.  
  
"Leo, could you not say anything to anyone else. Donna and I want to tell the rest of our close friends." Sam said.  
  
"I understand. Get back to work on the education bill." Leo said and dismissed Sam.  
  
  
Sam walked back to his office and made a mental note to tell Donna that Leo knew, but wasn't going to say anything.  
  
  
  
Sam and Donna's Apartment.....................  
  
"Well, Leo already knows that there is something going on between us. He backed me into a corner and I told him the truth." Sam said at dinner.  
  
"How did he react?" Donna asked.  
  
"He said for us to act like adults and be discrete about things." Sam said.  
  
"Well, then we need to tell the rest of our friends." Sam said.  
  
"Yeah, I'll take care of telling Toby, CJ, and Josh. You can tell the other assistants that you are close to." Sam said.  
  
"I just wonder how everyone is going to take things." Donna said.  
  
  
  
Telling everyone they were close to had been easy. Ginger had won the Sam and Donna pool easily and was two hundred dollars richer. Carol, Bonnie, Ginger, and Margaret were very happy for Donna. They wished her all of the luck and happiness in the world. CJ was happy for them, but the ever present Press Secretary in her reminded Sam to keep it quiet and discrete and to not appear on any magazine covers. Toby smiled to himself and flashed Sam a rare smile. He was glad that they had gotten together. Josh was the one who everyone had assumed would take it badly. He shocked everyone by telling Sam that he was happy for them.  
  
  
  
  
Counseling Session.............................8 weeks later  
  
  
Sam held open the door for Donna and rested his hand on the small of her back. They had just begun to feel comfortable with touching each other. Sam was happy and so was Donna. He noticed that Donna was smiling more and getting back to her old self.  
  
"Hi Donna. How are you feeling today?" Kate asked.  
  
"I am great." Donna said with a big smile.  
  
"I see that Sam is here again with you." Kate mentioned and watched Donna's face light up.  
  
"Yeah, he wanted to come with me, even though I told him that he didn't have to." Donna explained.  
  
"He is certainly special." Kate said as she put some papers down on her desk.  
  
"He is that." Donna said with a smile.  
  
"Well, I think that you are ready to go back to work. You have dealt with much of the stuff that landed you in here to start with. I think that getting back to work and back into a routine will be good for you and good for those people around you." Kate explained.  
  
"What is the official diagnosis that you are going to give to Leo McGarry?" Donna asked with trepidation.  
  
"It is going to be stress disorder and exhaustion." Kate said.  
  
"What does that mean?" Donna asked.  
  
"It means that you need to take better care of yourself. You need to talk to people and let them know how you are feeling. You have a big circle of friends and I'm sure that they will help you out in any way they can." Kate said.  
  
"What about our sessions?" Donna asked.  
  
"We will still meet on Mondays. This is a standing appointment and I think you can benefit from seeing me." Kate said.  
  
"Ok." Donna said.  
  
  
Kate finished explaining some technical things to Donna and sent her home. Donna was quiet on the ride home and Sam wondered what was up. He unlocked the door and watched her sit down on the couch with her hands in her lap. She looked up at him with puppy dog eyes. Sam sat down in a chair and waited for Donna to speak.  
  
"Kate said that I am ready to go back to work." Donna said.  
  
"Really?" Sam asked.  
  
"Yeah." Donna said quietly.  
  
"Why aren't you happy? I thought that you loved your job." Sam said, confused by Donna's reaction.  
  
"It's just that everyone knows what I did." Donna said.  
  
"Everyone also knows that it happened, you are ok, and want to move on. I really don't think that people are going to look at you funny or harp on these things." Sam explained to her.  
  
"Yeah, it's just that....." Donna trailed off.  
  
"Hey, you are going to be fine. If it gets out of hand, come find me. I'm sure that there are places in the White House that we can disappear to." Sam said with a smile.  
  
"Thanks for being so supportive." Donna said and gave him a smile.  
  
  
  
After dinner, Donna went into her room and decided what to wear on her first day back. After destroying her closet and dresser, she decided on a pretty gray suit that she loved.   
  
  
  
Sam and Donna shared a quick breakfast before heading to work. She took a deep breath and headed through the door that Sam held open. People were happy to see her back and called out greetings as she and Sam walked to her desk. Josh came out of his office and swept Donna into a big hug.  
  
"Josh." Donna said as he set her back on her feet.  
  
"What? I missed you." Josh said with a smile.  
  
"Thanks for missing me." Donna said and gave him a smile.  
  
"Now, get to work. I want an easy week and nothing this weekend." Josh said as he headed back to his office.  
  
"And I worried about not getting back into the swing of things." Donna joked and sat down in her desk chair.  
  
"Well, I gotta go to work too. I'll see you later." Sam said and headed out of the bullpen.  
  
  
  
Donna watched Sam walk out of her vision. He was something special. He hadn't let her fall and had been with her through every step. She truly appreciated him and even though they hadn't done anymore than kiss and cuddle, he never pushed and she was grateful for him letting her take things at a slow pace.  
  
  
A note was delivered from a messenger that Leo wanted to see her now. She took a deep breath and headed in the direction of his office.  
  
"Leo?" Donna timidly knocked on the door.  
  
"Hey Donna. Come on in." Leo said.  
  
"Hi. I was told that you wanted to see me?" Donna asked.  
  
"Yes. I wanted to see you to talk about things." Leo said.  
  
"I am so sorry that I did all of that stuff." Donna said.  
  
"I know that you are sorry, but that is all in the past. We need to concentrate on the future and what it holds." Leo said.  
  
"Okay." Donna said and not knowing what to expect next.  
  
"I wanted to ask you if you wanted to transfer into the Communications Office for awhile." Leo asked.  
  
"Why would I want to or need to transfer?" Donna asked, confused.  
  
"I just want to make sure that you are comfortable with the speed and pace of Josh's office. I don't want you to get overwhelmed by things." Leo said.  
  
"I am not going to get overwhelmed by things. I love working for Josh and wouldn't be happy anywhere else. I do want to let you know that I am still seeing my therapist." Donna said.  
  
"I am glad that you are confident and happy and ready to be back at work. Don't ever hesitate to come to me if you need to talk. I've worn a lot of hats and walked in a lot of shoes before, so I am here if you need anything." Leo said.  
  
"Thanks." Donna said.  
  
  
  
Leo gave her a hug and sent her back to Josh's office. He hoped that this was the right thing for her and made it a point to check on her in the next few weeks to make sure that she was truly ready to be back at work and competent to perform her job duties.  
  
  
  
  
  
3 Weeks Later...................................  
  
  
Donna hesitated before knocking on Leo's door. She didn't want to have to tell him that she needed more time. He and the rest of the senior staff had been so supportive.  
  
"Come in." Leo called, not bothering to look up from the files that he was reading.  
  
"Leo, I hope I'm not bothering you or anything." Donna said as she stepped into the office and shut the door.  
  
  
Leo looked up as he heard Donna's voice and the shutting of the door. He immediately noticed that she didn't look like her usual self.  
  
"What's wrong Donna?" Leo asked.  
  
"I know that when I came back, you said that I could transfer into the Communications office if I needed to." Donna stated.  
  
"Yes, I did. What is going on?" Leo asked, now even more concerned.  
  
"I hate to say this, but I can't handle Josh or his office anymore. Everything is just too much. I can't act like myself over there anymore." Donna said as she was close to tears.  
  
"Donna, you did the right thing by coming to me and letting someone know that you needed some help. I will arrange for Ginger to switch with you for as long as you need." Leo said.  
  
"Thank you." Donna said.  
  
"Have you told Josh yet?" Leo gently inquired.  
  
"No, I was hoping that you might...." Donna trailed off.  
  
"I understand and will let everyone know at this afternoon's staff meeting." Leo said.  
  
"Thanks again." Donna said.  
  
"You're welcome." Leo said.  
  
  
He watched the young woman walk out of his office. She was a different person since the suicide attempt. Donna let people know how she was feeling and when she needed them. He was glad that she was finally letting people in. Leo would have never expected to hear her say that she couldn't handle Josh, but the suicide attempt had changed them all and some not for the better.  
  
  
Leo wondered how the senior staff would take the changes. Josh would be angry for awhile, but he would get over it when he saw that this was what Donna needed. CJ would hope that Donna was doing the right thing for herself. Toby would be worried about how things would look if Sam and Donna finally wised up and became a couple. Sam would be the happiest of the bunch. Leo knew that he loved Donna. He had seen how much Sam doted on Donna and how much Donna responded to him. Things would just have to be dealt with as they came up. Leo went back to reading his files and preparing for the afternoon staff meeting.  
  
  
  
Afternoon Staff Meeting....................................  
  
"Ok, we just have a staffing matter that you all need to be aware of." Leo said.  
  
"What. Are we getting some new assistants?" Josh asked with a smirk.  
  
"Some of you are. Donna and Ginger are switching places for a little bit." Leo said.  
  
"Why?" Sam and Josh both asked at the same time.  
  
"Donna came to me and asked to be reassigned and I don't want anyone badgering her over why." Leo said and gave Josh a hard look.  
  
"So, Donna is officially working for Toby then?" Sam asked.  
  
"Yes, she is and that won't affect your relationship with Donna." Toby answered Sam and gave him smile.  
  
  
Everyone went back to their offices to get some work done. Sam and Toby were walking back through the bullpen when they spied Donna sitting at her new desk. She looked up and caught Sam's eye. He gave her a big smile and headed into his office. Toby nodded at her and stepped into his own office. He knew that Sam and Donna were "together" as a couple because they had told their close friends, but wanted to keep it quiet and private. The senior staff and a few assistants were the only people who were privy to the information.  
  
A few days ago, Josh and Sam and Toby had gone shopping. They had hit every jewelry store around looking for a promise ring. Sam hadn't found the right one on that trip, but he and Josh had made plans to go again. Toby was happy that Sam and Donna had found each other and were able to overcome what life threw at them. He smiled to himself and got down top work.  
  
Josh's Office..........................2 weeks ago  
  
"Josh, you ready to go?" Sam asked from the doorway.  
  
"Yeah, just let me put this away and we can go." Josh said as he threw a file into a desk drawer.  
  
  
The two men made their way out of the White House and headed for Tricia's Tokens, a small jewelry store that specialized in rings. Sam hoped he'd find the perfect ring here. He had been all over town for the last few weeks trying to find a ring that symbolized what Donna meant to him. Josh watched Sam move from case to case looking for the perfect ring. He wasn't too happy when he was first told that they were a couple, but he realized that Sam and Donna were happy and he got happy for them.  
  
"Josh, over here. I think I found it." Sam called out to his best friend.  
  
  
Josh walked over to where Sam was standing and looked at the ring. It was perfect for Donna and he flashed Sam a smile. Sam knew that this was the right ring for his girl.  
  
  
The sterling silver ring had a band of small, shimmery diamonds that ran the length of the ring. The diamonds were all set into the band and glinted in the light.  
  
Sam didn't even bat an eye when the saleswoman quoted him a price of $. He simply took out his credit card and slid it across the counter.  
  
"Price doesn't matter. I want this one." Sam said.  
  
"Yes, sir. Would you like it gift wrapped?" the saleswoman asked.  
  
"No, just put it in a box." Sam replied.  
  
  
  
Sam took the bag and the two men made their way back to the White House.  
  
"When are you going to give her the ring?" Josh asked.  
  
"Soon. I am planning a romantic dinner at the apartment." Sam said.  
  
"Sweet and you know she'll accept it?" Josh asked, teasing his friend.  
  
"I'm pretty sure that she'll accept it. We both love each other very much." Sam said.  
  
"Of course, she'll accept. I have never seen her this happy. You both have something special." Josh said wistfully.  
  
"Hey, you'll find somebody special that makes you as happy as Donna makes me." Sam said.  
  
"I hope." Josh said and headed to his office.  
  
Sam hoped that he never had to live through a tragedy to make him see the light. He could have lost Donna forever without telling her how he truly felt. Sam was going to make sure that Donna knew exactly how he felt and what she meant to him.  
  
  
  
Weekend.....................Back To Present Times  
  
  
It was nice to have such great friends, Donna thought. Ginger and Bonnie had invited her to go shopping. She'd tried to beg off, but Sam and the girls insisted that she go and have some fun. The trip had been nice. Donna bought some strappy black heels and a sexy new dress that the girls insisted she wear home. She had gotten some appreciative looks at the mall, but she knew that no one could be better than who she had waiting at home.   
  
  
Donna unlocked the door and walked into her apartment. She stood in the doorway, shocked. There was soft music playing, candlelight, and a dinner set up in the living room. Sam walked into the room and noticed that Donna was home.  
  
"Hey. I'd ask how was the shopping trip, but I can see that it was a success." Sam said and gave her a hard male appreciative look.  
  
"Wow. What is all of this?" Donna asked, as Sam guided her to a chair.  
  
"It is a quiet dinner." Sam said and slid into his own chair.  
  
Sam and Donna ate dinner, She was surprised that he had gone to all of this trouble for her. No man had ever done the things that Sam had done for her, ever. She loved all of the attention that he lavished on her. Kate was right, Sam truly did love her and just wasn't using her because she was available.   
  
  
"Thank you. This was a wonderful evening." Donna said as she sat down on the couch.  
  
"The evening isn't over yet. I have something for you." Sam said, taking the ring box from his pocket, opening it, and sat it down in front of Donna.  
  
"What is this?" Donna asked as she looked at the beautiful ring.  
  
"It's a promise ring. I want to marry you, but later down the road when our lives have settled down." Sam said.  
  
"Wow." Donna could only utter the one word.  
  
  
Donna looked at the ring and flashed back to another man, another time. She suddenly wasn't too sure about things.  
  
"Donna, what's wrong?" Sam asked.  
  
"It's not you. The ring is beautiful, but..." Donna trailed off.  
  
"You can tell me anything." Sam said.  
  
"It's just that I've been in this place before. Jacob never gave me an engagement ring. All I got from him was a promise ring and a bunch of empty promises." Donna said.  
  
"I'm not him. I would never hurt you." Sam said.  
  
"I know, but I have been hurt by so many people in my life. It's hard to trust in anything anymore." Donna said.  
  
"Hey, no one is going to hurt you ever. I won't let them and neither will the rest of your friends." Sam said.  
  
  
Donna looked at the ring again and thought back to what Kate had told her. She was a stronger person now and wasn't going to let her past screw up her future. She looked at the ring and back to Sam and made up her mind. She took the ring from the box and slid it onto her hand.  
  
"Yes. I accept the ring, but I don't want to get married right away. Let's just give it some time before making any major decisions." Donna said.  
  
"I'm fine with that. I want you to know how much I love and respect you." Sam said.  
  
  
  
Sam and Donna kissed away the rest of the evening. They both headed off to their respective beds with smiles and dreams for the future.  
  
  
  



End file.
